All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last time i carry you out of a forest
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
