If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
