hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
