i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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