I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
