Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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