My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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