I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
