I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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