I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The feeling are messing with the penis
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize