i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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