I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
