Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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