Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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