hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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