I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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