you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
