My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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