WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
