My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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