I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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