I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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