In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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