I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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