walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
