I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
