I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
