why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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