I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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