How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize