I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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