why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
