Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You took a bar mat shot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
