see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
