: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
