Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
