I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
