how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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