South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
