He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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