i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
BRING THE BAGELS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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