Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
