Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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