Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
