Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
