I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
