I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
