she smelled like a LAN party
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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