Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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