Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
