So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
