I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
