brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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