ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
