Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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