I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
