I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize