sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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