You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
