It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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