U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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