Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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