why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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