So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize