Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
