I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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