If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
