just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
