Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
