I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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