i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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