Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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